you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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