Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
