Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
