how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
