the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
