I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
