i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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