Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
