I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
