Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We left the knife in your bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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