look no pants
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
