Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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