idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
