Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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