I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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