My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Green mimosas i think yes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
