I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
