"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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