i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
