walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
