Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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