HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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