I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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