I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
