i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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