I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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