He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
