She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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