please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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