he wants to bone in the snuggie
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
