Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
