Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
