i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
