yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want to make out with him forever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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