I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
