just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
