Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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