um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
