would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
