So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
