I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
