he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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