got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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