he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
