This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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