It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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