I wanna bring you to show and tell
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
