I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Where is the hickey?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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