True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
