So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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