grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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