he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think people are normalizing furries
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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