Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
