Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
