No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
