He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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