I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
