Need sex. Gaining weight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
