this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
