We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize