There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
