WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
