Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
