my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
