i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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