Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
