we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
