Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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