I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
